


cheekboners

by radioaction



Category: Hannibal (TV), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Just completely ridiculous, M/M, RPF, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 20:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1722215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radioaction/pseuds/radioaction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Benedict meets Mads at a party and they bond over facial structure. "</p>
            </blockquote>





	cheekboners

Bendizzle Capillary was filming a movie about I don’t know something profound and meaningful like Hawking but also in America so maybe he’s doing a biopic of Mr Rogers or something but anyway he was at his hotel party with all his coworkers and old friends. He was having an awkward kind of time because he doesn’t know how to social gathering and he was just drinking his drink by the exit hoping to get out as soon as he could, when he saw another famous dude he couldn’t recall the name of but he still recognized him. 

He asked Martin who it was and Martin was like “That’s Mads Mikklestork he’s that actor from Hannibabble now piss off I’m talking to ladies.” Martin grooved away from his awkward friend and Benedryl was like “Oh yeah I heard about that show on the internet or whatever” and he was looking at Maddens glorious cheekbones as they rivaled his own in sheer angular ferocity.  
Mads felt the eyes of an extraterrestrial being on him and turned towards Bappersnach, causing the light to reflect off his face bones and blinding almost everyone and causing fires and orgasms. Bandicoot blushed and gave a little wave at the great dane but was not prepared when he walked towards him. Mads chassed over to him and lit a cigarette acting casual.

“So you’re Babybottle Canderdash? I enjoyed that one movie you were in that one time.” He remarked in his thick Danish accent that rumbled Bens bones to their lanky core. The Englishman nodded and his bodacious bone structure seemed to gleam with the vague praise. “And you play a dude who eats people if I recall the book Red Dragon from my days at British Charm school of which I am valedictorian.”   
The air around them was thick with the natural aura that only those with odd facial structure and sexual magnetism can afford to have. Those looking at them would instantly become pregnant, even men. Especially men.  
Mads lit another cigarette (the ability to smoke multiple fags is a gift given to Europeans exclusively) and smiled at Bouncydick, and asked if he was doing anything special after this snooze fest; and Kahn said “Not really I’m just here because of the tunabites.” And Mads was pleased, lighting a cigar this time. “You should drop by my hotel room later. Hugh isn’t here because he got his beard tangled in a rice harvester or something and I’ll be lonely without my Hughie Dewie *no homo*.”  
But Andrew Scott knew that wasn’t quite true.  
So later Bambi Cumberbund was at Mads mass hotel room which had to be big in order to hold all his talent. When he opened the door large amounts of smoke billowed out like a forest fire. Benny wheezed and let the room air out before walking in, seeing that Mads had 32 cigarettes lit and was playing Jenga with them in the kitchenette.   
“Why—” Becky started to ask but he was taken aback when those cheekbones were turned on him, gasping and inhaling more smoke which took away from the moment considerably because he started to cough violently again.   
He coughed so hard his cheekbones flew right off and landed on the Danish man’s face.  
Mads closed his eyes and soon Bendirks cheekbones were absorbed into his face, creating a new evolution of cheekbone and granting Mads the sexual prowness of an Englishman. Ben stared in horror, touching his own face, now concaved under his eyes and lacking the very charm he once held so dear.  
“You monster! You took my cheekbones!”  
Mads chuckled and rubbed his new deadly face framers, feeling the power of a generation of fangirls pumping through his veins. “You should know not to let your face guard down around the most handsome man in Denmark fourteen years ago.” He cackled and ran out of the room, pushing Ben out of the way.

Mads would go on to absorb the cheekbones of many good men, Matt Smith, Tom Hiddleston, even Colin from Merlin, and Benedict would go on to do voice work for Jaguar, rueing the day he let his cheekboner get the best of him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I could explain myself to you but I can't.


End file.
